Like a permanent roller coaster ride – update #5

Greetings friends and family,
I hope your summer has been going well and lots of fun has been had.

My treatments have been over now for several weeks now. It was hard to image there for awhile that I could ever get back to feeling somewhat normal, but now I do. Besides all the teeth drama after a total of 12 hours in the dentist chair, (which I highly recommend not ever doing when you are trying to recover from other physical challenges), and a painful ear infection I have had for the past 2 weeks, (from diving), I am feeling peachier that a Georgia day, in comparison.

I had my highly anticipated PET / CT scans on July 29th and then met with my Oncologist to discuss the results on July 31st. Once again I faced some trepidation in getting the results. By faith I was expecting to hear that the tumor is miraculously gone, but there certainly was some fear trying to effect my emotions and get into my head as I was experiencing what seemed like possible symptoms that made me wonder if the cancer may have spread. Well, he gave me good news which was the tumor and limp nodes responded very favorably to all the treatments. The limp nodes had shrunk way down and although the tumor was still inflamed due to the recent radiation, it had reduced in size. He was recommending surgery as soon as mid to late Aug. The cancer had not spread which was a tremendous relief.

As soon as I left the Dr.’s office I boarded Ernesto’s boat for 5 days in Catalina. On the crossing I saw 3 whales spouting in the distance and a large pod of dolphins. Duke got pretty queasy but didn’t feed the fish, but little Chicka sure did. Even though I have spent a decent amount of time in Catalina boating and diving over the past 18 yrs, I felt like a kid going to his first amusement park. I was rejoicing with a very thankful heart, even while I was 80 feet deep diving & spear fishing, so thankful that I could be doing all this. It was great to sneak in an unexpected vacation for myself and with Duke. Duke cleaned his first fish and was a tremendous help for me getting on my dive gear. He manned the anchored boat while we dove and was quick to rescue us in the dingy several times as we were drifting away. Ernesto and Duke wanted to challenge my paddle boarding balancing skills when I was way out in the bay in bit of a swell. After they were unsuccessful in throwing me off by their aggressive wakes with the dingy, they actually rammed me. With friends like that, who needs enemy’s. I did receive much compassion added with many laughs from several nearby cocktailers and it provided the opportunity to meet some really nice people which was totally a divine appointment. I did have one bad day there but my chummy the waters help the guys catch 14 fish while on our mooring – that was a team effort.
See photos; http://www.flickr.com/photos/Catalina

On Aug 11th I was to meet with my surgeon to discuss the surgery, (that I had hoped to not have to have), they had me scheduled for surgery on Sept 9th. I did meet her after a 2 ½ wait and was able to avoid walking out. My pride was sure tested and I had dictated the note I was going to leave her in my mind several times. I do really like my surgeon as she has the disposition of a caring veterinarian who spends as much time necessary which each patient. She discussed in detail the procedure which I found rather alarming seeing it had to do with my internal organs, cutting and tubes and stuff. In my initial meeting with her back in May she mentioned removing the esophagus. I was hoping I misunderstood her and my oncologist had confirmed that as he described it as removing only a portion of the esophagus. If you know me you would know that I usually will negotiate when I sense variables or flexibility. The intern surgeon mentioned 75% before the main surgeon stepped in, which was alarming enough, and the surgeon actually said she would remove the whole thing to be safe. I forgot to try to negotiate but may go back.

The Esophagectomy procedure – it should take about 3hrs not including prep. They try to go in for the most part lathroscopicly (?) with 4 incisions including a 4” one in the side of the neck where she will attach my stomach to the remaining 2cm of the esophagus. They should be able to avoid the larger incision and rib breaking old school way and I am all for that. The stomach will be reshaped with staples in place of where my esophagus was with a small portion remaining in the lower chest. I know some people pay a lot of money to have their stomach stapled or banded, how lucky am I ? They will first take a camera down before they start, and will take biopsy’s for pathology testing during the surgery. They will cut away until they clear, (cancer free), margins. The esophagus tissue is known to hide small cancer cells and tumors that can go undetected, her reason for removing the whole thing. During the surgery they should be able to determine if they can remove the porta cath I had installed in my chest as well as the need for further chemo – we will see as my oncologist likes to finish with at least one chemo blast for good measure.

Recovery – I will be having the surgery at the new Ronald Reagan Hospital at UCLA in Westwood and expect to be there 8 to 10 days. They will install a feeding tube and plan to leave it for 2 months – I think so I can safely eat and drive. I should be on a liquid diet for awhile but some day should be able to eat anything I want. She will want me walking 2 days after surgery and I think if I can walk, I can certainly have a little party, so mark your calendars. Keep a look out for the e-vite, maybe it will be a theme party. I am serious, but lets not tell my mom yet. I should be able to drive after 2 weeks depending on the need for pain meds, just stay clear if you see me on the road. I will keep my hazards on. And I will be going on disability from work for 6-8 weeks. I haven’t asked when I will be able to scuba dive, but you know I will.

To be honest I left the surgeon office somewhat scared, nervous, bummed, etc…. It all sounded so life changing besides all the discomfort and pain. I had questions for God, such as; “I thought you were going to heal me ?” and “what was the point of all these people praying for me ?” . Normal thoughts, I think. It took me a few days to work through it. It was while I was making a visit to a friend from church who just had twins which were testing for hearing issues. She happens to be a nurse and reminded me besides the wonderful miracle of Maria coming into my life, that the fact I am a candidate for surgery is a miracle. I then remembered that in my first meeting with my surgeon she had mentioned that only about a third of the patients that get diagnosed with this are even candidates for surgery. I certainly took it for granted at that time that I would be one of those 33%. I didn’t spend much time thinking about the other 67% that battle and battle in chemo chairs and in the radiation center. Many whom I spent time sitting along side of and many that most of us know or have known. I realized how incredibly fortunate, blessed and how God’s grace has been upon me in many ways.

Bonus – everyday millions of people spend millions of $’s and wait for hours in ridiculously long lines to ride roller coasters. What is it about roller coasters ? Everyone knows it is that feeling of excitement and thrill that takes place especially when you go straight down and that sensation of what feels like your stomach going up into your chest from the intense gravitational pull. Well, it sounds like I am going to have that permanently built in. So if you ever see me raise up my hands and shout “Whoa Whoo !” after the simplest of task like sitting down or stepping off a curb, you will know why.

Duke is off to camp this entire week and got an extra week of summer as his new school started today. He will be attending LAB in the valley which will be a huge but great change for him in which we are all very excited about. God has come through, (as always), with a close by car pool group. The weeks of me being down will add to an already challenging schedule situation with me living on the west side and his mom now living in the valley. Please keep him and all that in prayer if you would as well as; my financial situation while on disability, and for Maria and I as we are trying to make some wonderful future life plans in the mist of everything, Whoa Who. Will keep you posted.

My work, Union Rescue Mission , continues to be amazingly supportive and gracious. Check out this great story about one of our 15 year boys at Hope Gardens. He and is family were recently homeless and he is now in the Boy’s Scout Troop we have there and was recently honored. http://www.urm.org/boys scout honored.

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Tikiman sings Neal Diamond

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URM’s Hawaiian Hotties Hula

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Footprints in the Sand and Diploma of Completion from UCLA Dept of Radiology

Hello to my friends and family,

I am sure many you have read the famous poem “Footprints”, (check out: Footprints In The Sand – Poem ) which tells of a dream someone has about walking alongside Christ in the sand.  At one point, this person looks back on their life and sees where there were 2 sets of footprints and then only one set of footprints at a times when they were having the most difficult seasons in their life. With much dismay, this person asked Jesus; “Where were you ? How could you of abandoned me at the times when I needed you the most”. And Jesus’ reply was, “ The one set of footprints you see were mine, I was carrying you through this times”.   That pretty much says it all for me. He has sustained me, once again, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

On Tuesday morning, July 8th, I received a Diploma of Completion from UCLA Dept of Radiology after my 25th and final radiation treatment. No cap and gown, but it was a kind gesture and certainly cause for celebration. After that I went and met with my Chemo Dr. for a check up and possibly more IV fluids. I had started back on the chemo pills the day before and thought I would just take them the 2 days to match up with the final radiation treatments. As I was in a celebratory mood, my Dr. threw out the challenge of finishing the week with the chemo pills. My celebration balloons were popped. I was bummed, but took on the challenge. I later find out that many patients have their greatest side effects from the chemo pills, I might agree. That week was filled with great fatigue, once again. My sister Lisa came out from Kansas for a long weekend and was a tremendous blessing and encouragement.

On Friday evening, July 11th, we dropped off Duke at a friend’s house in the South Bay and I couldn’t get off their couch. I was supposed to be in Brentwood within the hour to teach a bible study. We somehow made it, and after a little food and more couch time, somehow God, once again, not only gave me strength to get up and teach, but I so felt His presence and anointing to teach what He wanted to be shared.

Later that evening I took my last chemo pills. I was truly celebrating, not only as I took them, but consciously thanking God through the whole night for getting me through the treatments. I will be honest though, at first my instinct, (ego), was to say, “wow, I did it, and I can add this to my list of accomplishments”. (anyone else have one of those list / resume of life ?) Pride is such a dangerous enemy. I was pretty quick to remember the Footprints in the Sand poem.

It was Jesus and His love and sustainability that got me through it.

Yes, I did, and I can do, (and so can you), do all things, anything, concur any fear, get through any trial or adversity… but only with Christ whom has the power and authority to strengthen us and carry us.

Saturday morning, July 12th, the treatments are over and it is the first day of the rest of my life. My sister, Maria and myself go out for brunch and I am ordering it up. Boy did I pay for it later !  Slow down cowboy.

All the treatments are accumulative, meaning they continue to build up and stay in your in your system. So, it will take a few weeks to get back to normal. Despite great fatigue, I have been coming into work everyday for a few hours. The leadership and staff at Union Rescue Mission continues to be tremendously supportive and gracious. ( Check out the latest URM personal story: Chaneka / Hope Gardens Success Story – URM video )

Thursday, July 17th, I went and met with my Chemo Dr. who was very encouraged how I was doing. He gave me the OK to eat sushi, Yea ! And scuba dive, Whoo Hoo !

He told me to get ready for surgery in a month after we do some testing.

This whole process has been quite a stretching of my faith, especially in the area of Healing. Being a student of the bible for over 30 years, old & new testaments, I somewhat know God’s word. He is Jehovah Ropheka, (The Lord our Healer). Isaiah 53.5 prophesizes 400 years even before Jesus was born; “ ……. By His stripes we are healed”. I have prayed from the beginning for His Perfect Will in all this, that He be glorified in this trail, in every aspect in my life, and even in my death whether that comes sooner or later. Also, that He can use the cancer, this circumstance, for good. Not that God gave me the cancer, but allowed it and will use it. After a very cool prayer meeting one evening, a very knowledgeable man explained something very simple to me which was a huge revelation for me and made me realize I had been bullied by the enemy of our souls. And this was making me somewhat accepting of the cancer, which brought on other deep questions about the inner Richard.

Trying not to get too deep here, but to keep it real simple; God, our Heavenly Father and Creator, desires that none shall perish, and is the giver of all good gifts. Just as any of us who are parents, we want good things for our children; we don’t want to see them in pain or suffering. If our children asked us for a piece of bread, we are not going to give them a stone. It is a lie from the bit of hell that God wants me to have cancer, or anyone, and to not have a full life.

It is an absolute.

Yet there is much mystery to healing, because not every one gets healing. And how God heals varies, just as the numerous accounts of healing in the bible. I think, as in most things in life, the priority is in the process. How we are changed, made more in His image, grow, influence, inspire, etc…, from the beginning of a situation / trail, to the end. And that process may be more important than the outcome. I left that prayer meeting with several questions; not can or is God going to heal me, knowing He has,  He is, He will; but, more so “should I stop the treatments ?”.

I would of loved to stop them at that time. I came to quickly realize that not unless I clearly heard from God to stop them, which was perfectly possible, I would continue, which I did.

Back to the Dr. office:

I once again explained to the Dr. my faith and stated that I am sure he has witnessed many unexplainable medical healings and asked him what would he need to not see from the test to call off the surgery ? I was a bit surprised by his reply as he said that we should take no chances of the cancer reappearing and even if there was no more trace of the cancer he would still want to do the surgery and follow it up with some chemo treatments.

We will see ???????????????

We will cross that bridge when I get there in the next week or 2.

Last Friday, July 18th, URM had a staff appreciation pot luck Luau.

They had me at “Lu”.  In my full Luau garb, I had the opportunity to do a little hoola dancing and Neil Diamond karaoke. Later that after noon I left with my good buddy Jerry for Joshua Tree. Our men’s group from church goes out there 2 or 3 times a year for a time of prayer and fasting and seeking God. I was red lining in the exhaustion area by the time I got there. I guess I poured it all out hoola’n and in “Sweet Caroline”. The 100 degree heat didn’t help. I opted not to fast for obvious reasons, and had a great time of fellowship, prayer and camping in the majestic high dessert. The next day I was rested, and it was only in the mid 90’s with a breeze. I had the strength to head up the mountain of boulders to do some reading and seeking. I took with me a seat cushion because I lost so much weight that it is uncomfortable to sit on hard rocks. I only get about 50yrds from camp and I see a perfect little cave. My ego said, “No way”, I going at least half way up”. But this voice said, “STOP RIGHT HERE”. I set up my cushion chair and read for awhile, great alone time, but the cave was a little too short and was not very comfortable. I said, “gotta go”, and started packing up to head up higher. Then I heard that voice again, “OPEN UP THE SEAT”. So I did, laid it out and perfectly nestled in this little cave in the shade and took a nap for over an hour. I got it, the same message I have been hearing for almost a year; “REST”. I had nothing to prove to those other 25 guys that were climbing to top of all those amazing mountains.

On my 5 week sabbatical of medical treatments I decided to have my teeth cleaned on Monday, July 21st. 6 hours later, 4 vials of Novocain, and a bill that would of covered a decent European vacation, I am started to wonder if I have some weird pain addiction. Is their a meeting for that ? I wish I would of taken a picture as my lips were actually crooked.

Things are awesome with Maria and I. In the marriage vows that usually say “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse”, we seem to be getting some of those first parts out of the way, and with remarkable relationship building results. And Duke is doing great, getting ready for a totally new school and has been a great support and prayer warrior for me.

I have a little Catalina dive trip vacation planned for the end of July, having faith that I will have my strength back. After spending way too much time on my couch staring at my 100 gallon salt water tank with 3 little fish and 2 snails, I will be on a quest in Catalina to bring them some new friends or at least some rocks.

Take 4 minutes and to watch this video of this guy doing this silly dance in many interesting places all over the world. I have been to several of them, and many of them are on my list. By the people’s participation, it is a reminder of how small our world really is. It made me laugh and even a few tears. Where is Matt Harding Dancing Video ? 14 months 42 countries Man, why didn’t I think of this ?

Want even more inspiration ? Check out this Opera singer on Brittan’s version of American Idol;

Paul – cell phone salesman sings Opera, WOW !

To read past updates, above links, various interviews, pictures and more, visit;

Richardfelipe.com

I hope to have some Hoola and Neil Diamond in Hawaii u-tube links on the web site with in the next few days.

Thanks for reading and all your prayers, they are working.

Remember – God is Good.

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If it don’t kill you, it will make you stronger ?? – Update #3

Greetings friends and family,

Still working through that old phrase, but it kind of make sense.
On Monday I started my 5th week of treatments, a bit reluctantly I must say. Maria took me to my radiation appointment early so I could meet with my radiation oncologist. I was convinced that something was wrong and I had some type of infection. They ended up giving me a 2 hour IV of fluids that morning which helped tremendously as I was very dehydrated. It gave me a little wind into my luffing sails and I was able to get my radiation treatment.

About 6 days prior I took a big turn for the worse, zero strength, zero appetite, diarrhea, vomiting, dizziness, hard to walk because my feet were so sore or touch anything with my fingers. Then came severe stomach cramps. Besides all that, I was pretty good. I was glued to my couch or bed. Telekinesis wasn’t working on things like the remote control, but I sure tried. I spent time just stareing out the front door. I could so see how one could enter into a place of hopelessness and depression. Besides just a few moments of anger and the treat of anxiety, (which I felt was spiritual), I have been at a place of thankfulness to God. Can’t say I have been feeling too spiritual lately, or even any emotions. But totally seeing the hand of God through people around me. Perhaps it is not until you are completely vulnerable do you allow others to demonstrate or see their efforts and heart towards you. I am in awe to what I am the recipient of from the occasional text to the bags of groceries, etc. And despite working 12 hr days, Maria has been treating me like a king. I couldn’t fathom a better companion.

Tuesday morning I had my 5th to last radiation treatment and then a 5½ hour chemo treatment which is my last one. My main oncologist, (which got many e-mails from me last weekend), was very compassionate and encouraging. One of the things he stated was. “ even though you are going through a really tough time right now, you will get through it and YOU ARE CURABLE”. It wasn’t until afterwards when my nurse pointed out that he doesn’t say that to all his patience that it really hit me. I think so many things in life comes down to our perspective, how we look at a situation. Is the glass half full or half empty ? Many of my fellow patients getting treatments are just buying time, and get these treatments for years. I am so fortunate that even though I had a few horrific weeks and some significant disruptions in my life, only 5 ½ weeks of treatment, in comparison to some I would call that practically a drive-thru plan. I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

The Mission continues to be immensely supportive and gracious towards me. Take a minute to meet one of our precious senior guest, Betty. A pretty remarkable story;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1EtWsuChLY&eurl=http://www.urm.org/site/c.hqLQI1OCKnF/b.4200587/

To read past updates, various interviews, pictures and more, visit;
Richardfelipe.com

Have a safe and fun 4th of July, and may God bless America.
Remember – God is Good.
Richard Felipe

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